When I was in high school, my family and I road-tripped to the Mall of America in Minneapolis. My dad, mom, brother and I all split up to do our respective shopping. I was wandering between shops when I found my mom walking out of a store in tears. Worried, I asked her what happened. As tears welled in her eyes, she said, “Oh, nothing. I just tried on a pair of pants and they didn’t fit like I thought they would.” I’ve never forgotten that conversation.
I don’t think I’ve ever genuinely been happy with my body. And I often wonder what it feels like to not constantly think about how my clothes fit or worrying about what I look like in a swimsuit.
It feels like no matter how many compliments I get or how big and powerful the “Body Positive” movement becomes, these intrusive thoughts always consume me. It can sometimes feel like a sickness I just can’t shake, and it’s something I’ve been silently battling with since college (maybe longer?!).
Now, I finally feel like opening up about this struggle. Most of all because over the last few years, I’ve developed a handful of go-to practices to help bring me back to a positive sense of self. These are tips I think every woman can use—because I know I’m not the only one silently battling this.
Will I ever be unapologetically confident or fully comfortable in my skin? I’m not exactly sure. But these small daily practices have at least shown me what happiness and peace with my body can feel like.
The Pop Culture Spiral
First, I want to acknowledge that I am a “thin-bodied” person, and I have never been what society classifies as “overweight.” But I also believe that every person is valid in how they feel about their bodies.
Never in a million years did I think my mom would be sad about the way she looks or how pants fit her. She was beautiful in my eyes! Someone else may see you as being perfect the way you are, but it can be challenging to see that as reality for yourself. The incongruence doesn’t mean your own feelings aren’t valid or don’t matter.
Many of us were brought up in an era where thinness was celebrated on every magazine and television show. The clothing stores we shopped at were geared towards girls who looked good in next-to-nothing mini skirts (looking at you, Hollister). Whether we like to admit it or not, these types of cultural phenomena have impacted us and how we see ourselves.
Under the Influence of a Compliment
Unfortunately, I think there’s a massive correlation between how we feel about our bodies and social media. At least, I think it’s gotten exponentially more difficult to untangle these types of perceptions.
Social media had not emerged until I was in college when Facebook had barely launched. We used it for messaging and connecting, yes—but it was also the first time we saw a constant stream of photos of our peers. It was around then that I began noticing that my mental health surrounding my body image began to take a hit.
But the biggest trigger happened when I started drinking less and eating slightly better, which resulted in me losing a noticeable amount of weight. That’s when I also started getting compliments about how I looked from all of my new friends in New York City. It was like a drug. That first hit of “Wow! Your body is amazing! Drop the workout routine!” felt like a rush. At the same time, I’d receive messages from old friends and family that said, “Hey, just reaching out because I’m worried about you.” But, in my eyes, I was “fine” because I was simultaneously getting so many compliments. You see how confusing this was for me?
The reality is that my extreme weight loss, restrictive food practices, and over-working out ultimately prevented me from booking several jobs in the dance and fitness industry, and ended many friendships. Internally, my body is still trying to recover from all of the nutrient and vitamin deficiencies I experienced over those 6-7 years.
Eventually, I did break into the fitness industry (as we know!), and the biggest thing I gained was knowledge. Even though working in the fitness industry may have seemed like the worst idea at the time, it might have also been the thing that saved me.
Personally, I think a self-love journey is the hardest thing to endure (and most times a crock of sh*t haha). I don’t do “self-love” affirmations (and, yes, I’ve tried). I have never said to myself “You’re hot!” and believed it. And I don’t post photos of myself on days I don’t feel absolutely content with how I look and feel. So, no, I don’t have it all figured out or am completely healed. But, I do try. And I swear by these tactics to get me back on track.
How to Practice Body Love (from Someone Who Doesn’t Buy into the Body-positive Movement)
- Let go of those old jeans. I know they were your fave 501 Levi’s, but keeping them because you might fit into them again one day is not doing anything for your mental health.
- Wear what you’re comfortable in, not what’s trending. Maybe this one sounds obvious, but no one is forcing you to style your outfits based on what’s trending. If crop tops and oversized jeans are trending and you hate both of those things, don’t wear them. I strongly believe that confidence shines brighter when you’re your most comfortable self.
- Eat whole foods. It’s something I use to trick my mind. When I’m not feeling good on the outside, I control how I feel on the inside by eating whole, single-ingredient, unprocessed foods.
- Dance a lot. Seriously. There is nothing quite like dancing and getting lost in your favorite genre of music. Because for a period of time, you forget about what you look like. It becomes all about how you FEEL.
- Really take note of the good days. There will always be good and bad days when it comes to feeling confident about yourself. Do as much as you can to remember what’s good. Journal on that particular day and dive into how you’re feeling. Take photos or videos of yourself (and post them). Go somewhere public like a bar, restaurant, or even just the grocery store.
- Surround yourself with people who don’t constantly talk about their bodies. I don’t know about you, but I’m easily triggered by people who are constantly picking apart their bodies and how they look, when I, myself, am trying to do the opposite.
A final word: I do believe that complete body love is achievable! But, not always indefinitely. For many people—like me—it’s a daily practice. What I do know is that one day I’ll look back and think about how silly all of this was. For now, it remains a daily, attainable practice. Now, go throw out all of those pants you’ve been hanging on to. Trust me, you’ll feel so much happier when you do.
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